


By My Side

by wouldratherbeaunicorn



Series: When Skies Are Grey [3]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Calm Before The Storm, College, F/M, Kindergarten, baby!connor Au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 16:59:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15223682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wouldratherbeaunicorn/pseuds/wouldratherbeaunicorn
Summary: Zoe thought it’d be easy. She didn’t factor in that her brother and her would literally be a million worlds (thousand miles) apart.Or: Connor plays ‘ain’t no sunshine’ on repeat





	By My Side

**Author's Note:**

> Song is from All I Want by Kodaline.
> 
> Will I ever stop using song lyrics for titles? No, probably not.

College was stressful for everyone. Actually, stressful was an understatement. College was _hell_. And summer was a nice reprieve for Zoe. She got to go home, visit her family, see Evan, not worry about early morning band rehearsals. She could just do her thang.

Except _no_ , she _couldn’t_ do her thang when a five-year-old thought it was a grand idea to slap her awake at 6:54 in the morning.

“Do’! Wake up! It’s the first day of school!”

Zoe groaned, lifting her head from her pillow. “For _you_.”

“First day! First day! Get clothes on!”

Connor climbed into her bed, straddling her back and pulling on her tank top straps, only to release them and sting her.

“Ow! You little brat.” She threw him off of her, sitting up and staring at him. “Why are you so hyper? It’s seven in the morning.”

“ADDD. I have school today, Do’! Momma said to get you up.”

He bounced on his knees, and she stared at him. She really did miss seeing him grow up.

“Well, go tell her that I’m getting ready and I’ll be down in a bit. And close my door!”

Zoe watched her baby brother slowly shut her door, before laughing as she heard him stomp down the stairs.

And then she got up, got dressed, pulled out the Spider-Man notebook from underneath her bed, and flipped it open. There was a picture on the inside cover of the siblings from a couple weeks before, when she was watching him and they’d been acting insanely silly.

Zoe shut it, taped the personalized pen to it, and trudged downstairs, setting the notebook down in front of him.

He flipped through it, grinning at her before checking out the pen.

“Do you know what it says?” Zoe asked. If there was one thing she loved about Connor, it was the fact that the kid was probably a better reader than her. He was a genius. And sure, everyone said that about their kid, but with _her_ brother, it was true.

“Connor, right? My name?”

Cynthia choked up, shaking her head. Both Zoe and Connor groaned.

“I’m sorry, it’s just. My baby’s starting school! And Zoe, you’re almost done! Oh, I don’t have babies anymore. Everyone’s growing up!”

“Well, _I_ haven’t grown since the eighth grade, but you still have Connor,” Zoe smirked. “Are we all dropping him off?”

“Yes,” Larry boomed, as per usual. “We leave in fifteen minutes, so if you want to eat, do that now.”

Zoe stole a piece of her brother’s waffle. Connor told on her. She scowled and threatened to tell his teacher the story of him throwing up in her car (when he was one). Larry “grounded” her.

It was, all in all, a normal day in the Murphy household.

By the time they got to the school, half of the kindergarteners were crying, and half were whining about taking so many pictures. Connor fit perfectly into the latter group.

“Just one more with Zoe!” Cynthia tried.

“Mom, it’s half-day kindergarten. He’s not going to Mars, oh my God.” About ten parents glared at Zoe for implying that their child _wasn’t_ an astronaut, her own mother included.

“This is important, Zoe!”

And so they took two more pictures, before the teachers started calling to line up, and almost all of the kids _and_ parents started having mental breakdowns. Even Larry was wiping his eyes, earning an eye roll from his daughter.

And Connor, tough, brave Connor suddenly gripped his sister’s shirt so hard she thought it would tear. “You’ll be here to pick me up, right?”

Zoe knelt down to her brother’s height. He was taller than her.

“Of course. I’ll be right here. You have Spider-Man?”

Connor nodded.

“You have your book? For rest time, or whatever the heck goes on now?”

Another nod.

“You’ll remember not to curse?”

A final, slower nod.

“Then you’re all set. I’ll be right here when you get out, okay?”

Connor rushed to hug her, kissing her cheek before standing at the back of the line, high-fiving his teacher. His backpack strap hung off his lanky shoulder.

And Zoe’s eyes started to prick with tears.

Everyone waited until all of the kids were inside before leaving. And it was one of the most depressing things Zoe had ever seen. You would’ve thought someone had _died_ by the way these people were acting.

Her own mother cried halfway to the house, counting down the hours till it was time to pick him up.

“Actually, Mom. Uh, can I pick him up? Just me? And Evan, actually.”

Evan had wanted to come to drop him off at school, but his job scheduled him to open, and he hadn’t been able to get someone to cover. He’d promised to pick Connor up, though,

Cynthia’s shoulders drooped, but Larry just nodded. “Maybe we should let her. She’s going back to school soon, and then she won’t be able to. Evan, too. Plus, it’ll give us time to just. Sit around and see what it’s going to be like when he goes off to college and both of them forget about us.”

Zoe rolled her eyes. Both of her parents were dramatic as hell. “By the time Connor goes to college, I’ll be… God, I’ll be thirty-three. I’ll probably have a kid or two that you can spoil.”

“You promise?” Cynthia sighed dreamily. What had Zoe _done._

“No! I don’t _promise,_ but. I mean, probably.”

“You should marry Evan. We’ve always liked him. You guys would be so good together.”

Zoe did not want to have that conversation in the backseat of her parents’ car.

 

…..

 

Evan was almost _too_ excited to see Connor, bouncing in his seat as they drove to their old elementary.

“I hope he had a good day. I really want him to have had a good day.”

Zoe smirked, pulling into the parking lot. “What does kindergarten even do on the first day? I don’t remember.”

“Like. Play games, play with toys, etcetera.”

They checked into the office and stood down the kindergarten hall with about forty other parents waiting to pick up their child.

Two other teachers led out their kids before Connor’s class came out. Zoe heard him before she saw him. A squeak of new shoes, a “Zoe! ‘Do, ‘Do, ‘Do! Evan!”

And then Connor was there, jumping on her, expecting him to catch him, putting all his faith in her. She, of course, caught him.

“How was your day?”

His hair was about ten times fluffier than it was that morning, and his shoes were scuffed, and one of his shirts was gone, and there was marker on his pants and a stamp on his hand depicting a surfing penguin.

“Good! I drawed a lot, and I played outside! And go on the swinging bars!”

Evan tickled the little boy, and Connor launched to him, before attacking his scruff. “What’s _that_?”

“Hair.”

Connor’s teacher, a girl who couldn’t have been more than a few years older than Zoe, walked up to say goodbye to the boy. “Okay, bye, Connor! Great job today! And you guys are Larry and Cynthia?”

Zoe shook her head. “Those are my parents. I’m Zoe, Connor’s sister, and this is Evan, my boyfriend.”

The teacher nodded, and Connor stuck his face into Evan’s neck, shyly waving goodbye. Zoe rolled her eyes. “You are _not_ shy.”

 

…..

 

They went to get lunch at some hipster cafe close to Evan’s house, with Connor asking questions in the backseat the whole time.

“I thought Evan was my brother,” Connor said, looking between the two. Evan nodded.

“But he’s your boyfriend. I can date my brother?”

_“No_ ,” Zoe boomed, eyes wide as she turned to look at Connor. “You can’t date your sister, either. You also can’t tell Mom and Dad that Evan and I are dating. You can’t say anything about it. Got it?”

Connor nodded, looking bored as Evan turned to pat his knee.

“Tell us all about your first day. Did you make any friends?”

“Jared. He had glasses and a Pokémon Go shirt? But he was kind of mean. And he didn’t know how to read my book.”

Zoe sighed. “Well, you’re really smart. Everyone else is learning how to read _now_. Don’t worry, he’ll catch up.”

The car fell silent, before Evan spoke up. “Connor, you know Zoe and I are going back to school? We’re gonna go away?”

“But I thought you were staying!”

Zoe shook her head. “No, but I’ll see you at Thanksgiving. And we’ll just have to talk all the time. On the phone. You have to tell me how school goes.”

Connor was turned in his seat, staring out the window. He looked betrayed, and Zoe felt her heart throb as tears filled his eyes. “I thought you were staying this time.”

“Well… now you have Jared, and Mom and Dad all to yourself again.”

The five-year-old kicked his foot against Evan’s seat. “But I wanted _you,_ ” he murmured.

“I’ll be back soon, Con,” Zoe tried, tears filling her own eyes.

That was a thing that happened. Ever since Connor had tripped and fallen when he was around two, Zoe cried whenever he cried. It worked in reverse as well. Zoe had broken her arm two weeks before graduation and he’d sat in her lap and sobbed with her as she bit down on a towel while they’d set her arm.

“But I don’t want you to leave!”

And that was it for them. Zoe pulled over to the side of the road, letting Evan take over as she and Connor weeped in the backseat. They only stopped when Evan got into the parking lot of the cafe, saying something about ice cream.

Connor climbed into his sister’s lap, hands on her face as they spoke quietly.

“Do you have to go?”

Zoe sighed. Her face felt itchy. “Yes. I’ll be back soon, though. Here to tuck you in before you notice I’m gone.”

Connor’s eyes went to Evan, who was across the room, staring at a painting on the wall, obviously confused. “So when is the babies coming?” he whispered, pushing his curls out of his eyes.

Zoe blanched. “Excuse me?”

“Mom says that people who love each other are boyfriend and girlfriend and have babies. Or boys. Or girls. Evan’s your boyfriend. So you’re having a baby.”

His sister shook her head so fast that she was sure she looked insane. “No, no no no. Evan and I are not having a baby. Or, not right now. No. No, not- no, Connor. Don’t ask Evan, either.”

Zoe could already see her little brother destroying their relationship with his grubby little hands.

“So don’t ask Evan? About babies?”

“No. Don’t ask Evan anything.”

Connor pursed his lips, before tilting his head and smirking. “What about how you laughed so much that you-“

_“No.”_

 

…..

 

Zoe was done unloading everything into her dorm. All that was left to do was say goodbye.

She hugged her parents first, thanked them for helping her get set up. Evan was next, with a kiss and a promise to call with details regarding his new address. Her mother almost fainted (Zoe almost fainted, too, but she’d never admit it).

And that left Connor.

Connor, who’d already stolen her school hoodie, and hat, and sweatpants. Connor, who, upon realizing that Zoe wasn’t coming back with them, had cried for a solid fifteen minutes and glared at all of Zoe’s friends who were moving in that day, too. Connor, who was now lying on her unmade bed and daring her to move him.

“C’mon, Buddy. Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” Zoe sighed. “You gotta go back to school, just like me. Jared needs his friend.”

Connor didn’t even look at her.

“Connor, you gotta go. I’ll see you soon, but you need to go home. You can’t stay here, we’ve talked about-“

He sat up and crawled on her, clinging to her t-shirt. Zoe felt him crying before she heard it. His back bucked as silent sobs overtook his tiny frame, accompanied by a few whimpers. Her parents both shook their heads violently as Zoe’s eyes started to fill with her own tears.

“Don’t, Zoe,” her father warned. “He’s just gonna start crying harder.”

Zoe nodded, standing up and making her way to where the car was parked, ignoring her little brother’s wobbly cries of protest. She could hear her parents and Evan explaining to the concerned passerby. She kept going.

Connor didn’t let go until she’d strapped him into his booster seat, and even then it was only because he was being forced. “Zoe! Please don’t go, Do’!”

“Connor, I’ll see you soon. I gotta go to school for a bit, and then I’ll come back in a couple months! I promise. I love you, Connor.”

He stared at her, before letting out a frustrated groan and burrowing his face in his hands.

She didn’t get her goodbye till long after her parents had left the college.

It was a voicemail from her brother on her father’s cell, and she could tell he was holding the phone away from his ear. He didn’t like it touching his face.

_“It beeped. Oh! Hi Zoe. It’s Connor, your brother. I love you, I hope you have fun at colleeeege. Also, mommy said I had to tell her about you and Evan having babies. Sorry. Jared made me a cool drawing on his tablet. I wanna show you.”_

There was silence for a bit, before Connor continued.

_“I notice that you’re gone, so you should come back soon, okay? Oh, it’s your brother. Connor Nathaniel Murphy. Bye-bye Zooeeeeeee.”_

It was gonna be a long couple months.

**Author's Note:**

> Jared Kleinman will start to appear more. I love him so much, and I can’t wait to write his tiny self.
> 
> Also Bandtrees because it’s the only reason I’m alive.
> 
> Comment because I saw a puppy named KFC today and almost died. Also I’m on Tumblr @the-second-to-last-jedi


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